Don't like your child's friend(s)?

It's a challenge most of us face at least one time -- not approving of our child's friend, or group of friends.

When our children are at a younger age, toddlers to elementary school, we can have great influence on whom they see, and ultimately whom may become their best friends. But as they get older we see them less, and they become more independent. It is part of the maturing process, and picking friends is part of that process. We may still want to jump in, but knowing how and when is key.

My husband has a lot more tolerance than I do, and often reminds me that many issues or childhood habits that bother me are quite minor in the big picture of life. And over the years I think I have become more open minded if a friend of one of our children does something off beat, or has an annoying habit. What we have found works best is the open communication...talk to your child about the friends "issue" that is bothering you. Maybe there is another side or aspect you were unaware of. And maybe your child was unaware themselves.

Of course all of this depends greatly on the issue. If it is something dangerous or illegal you must take a harder stance...for the safety of your child. Many times your child may actually take that message and try to discuss the concerns with their friend. Nobody likes to see a friend take the wrong path. On the lighter issues...clothing, hair, piercings (ok, I admit this one is still edgy for me), speech, etc...try to let them go. It's still ok if you want to discuss it with your child, but don't make it accusatory.

A good point that Dr David Walsh (Author of 'No: Why Kids of All Ages Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It.') makes is that "forbidding friends can backfire". Your child may continue to see that friend and delve into the behavior or habit you don't like themselves. More of his interview can be seen here on WCCO news 'What To Do If You Don't Like Your Child's Friends'

In the end the best thing to do is focus on your own child's behaviors and habits. Bring them up to be positive role models to their peers and younger children. Hopefully their good habits and behavior will be the one that many of their friends emulate.

Bedrooms

When I was growing up, my mother was very strict. One of the rules was to make my bed every day, and keep my bedroom neat and organized. Actually, the whole house was neat and organized. Somehow I didn't "inherit" that trait from my Mother ;-) We believe our house should look "lived in" ;-)

While we are strict with our kids in many ways, we do let them have their personal space...aka bedrooms. Of the 3, one is better than the rest in regards to being somewhat organized, in her own special way. One has piles that can be cleaned up in the course of a weekend. The last one...well, it looks like a disaster area! And when prompted to actually go thru it...can take days. I think she gets sidetracked with all the neat things she finds buried in the piles.

Most of the piles is dirty laundry, extra pillows from the bed that never get back on the bed, paperwork or books from school, and I don't even want to know the content of the other piles.

My husband is the one who had to teach me to let their rooms be their comfort zones. Everyone needs a place where they can chill and destress.

Yes, their bedroom doors stay closed so I don't see them as I walk by. And we also don't let Grandma go upstairs.

Hair

We all know kids go thru phases, from minor to extreme. Thankfully most of the ones our kids do are pretty minor.

My recent PYB moment was when our son got the call Saturday night that the City Rotary Club invited him to attend their weekly luncheon today, Tuesday. We had been waiting for the invite (the Principal of his HS chose him as the Rotary Student of the Month for October), but we didn't know when they would call, or for which meeting.

My first question, after congratulating him again on the honor, was "Are you going to get a haircut?"

He has two styles...buzz cut (which is normally reserved for summer), and a longer look that brings out his natural waves. You guessed it...the girls love this look. It's not long in the sense that it is down to his shoulders. It is long enough that when a baseball or knit cap is on, the waves are showing around the edges by an inch or so.

After he replied with a 'no', I took a deep breath and realized it was not worth debating. In the grand scheme of things it is not his hair that makes him who he is.

Just wait until the Grandparents find out that this is the hair style he chose to have for his Senior Pics ;-)